I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize