Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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