Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Randomize
