If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
