just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
