I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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