he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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