so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
