Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
