You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
