so let's talk penis.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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