i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
