Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize