That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
