here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
