did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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