she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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