Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
