We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why do cheetos always look like penises
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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