the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
