covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
