It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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