Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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