Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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