Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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