So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
