A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
