a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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