Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
