I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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