he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
