I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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