marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
