im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
