You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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