no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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