Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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