woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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