Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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