My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
