You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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