we're blogging at a bar
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
