Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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