Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
