to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
