yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
not ubering you a puppy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
