he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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