also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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