there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
