i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I deserve this hangover.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
