I just cut my nipple shaving
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
