If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
