Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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