What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
