My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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