woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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